A theme that seems to keep coming up in my interactions with people is the idea of safe and open. Traditionally, when we think of safe/secure we envision protection—walls, moats, fortifications that keep others out. Yet to be open and have deep connections with people, we need to allow others in.
Walls and barriers may have helped keep people away in the past, but the problem is that they keep EVERYONE away. Or they attract people who want to “rescue” you. It is hard to have healthy relationships when you don’t let people in or keep attracting “rescuers”. The problem with rescuers is they need you to
be peril, so they can keep rescuing you! That is their self-appointed role. This can create a lot of unnecessary drama and pain in our lives.
The idea of being open may create feelings of fear and vulnerability. But we all want deep, supportive relationship with others. That requires us to be open, vulnerable, and honest. We all want to be truly seen as the amazing persons we are. That requires us to let people in and being open about how we experience the world.
How do you create a life that is both secure and yet open?
I propose that we need to re-think our idea of security. Years ago, I was in Reiki training. As we were working, it became apparent that I was holding my energy really close to my body. When the instructor asked me why I thought that was happening, I explained that it helped keep me safe. She gently pointed out that by holding my energy so close, I was allowing all other energies to come right up to me. It did the opposite of protecting me. She helped me see that by opening myself up and allowing my energy to flow outward, I was better protected. By relaxing and allowing myself to be comfortable in my personal space, my energy flowed. By allowing my energy to be full and overflowing, I kept unwanted energy away because it couldn’t get close to me. And I was more likely to attract other people who were flowing in their energy.
Therapeutically, I think this is a lovely analogy. When we become self-aware, secure in who we are, we start to feel safe. I am proposing that the key to feeling safe comes from work we do on ourselves, which allows up to be open. Facing our fears, addressing past issues that haunt us in the present, learning about healthy boundaries and our familial patterns, all allow us to create self-awareness. When we are secure in whom we are and what we value, we are open. This openness allows us to feel safe. Instead of keeping people, emotions, our past, etc. at a “safe distance”, we learn a different (and I believe healthier) way to be safe.
I hope everyone enjoys the journey of self-awareness and reaps the benefits of being both safe and open. If you think working with me might be beneficial to you on your journey, please contact me.