In the last two posts on this topic I have discussed some of the healthy ways to fight with your partner to ensure a fair fight. While those were good communication skills to ensure fighting fair, the most important part actually does not have anything to do with communication skills. Ultimately the most important part of fighting fair is understanding your part in the fight. This is probably the biggest step not only in fighting fair but also in reducing the number of fights that you and your partner have.
We all have our own unique history and baggage. We bring these unique characteristics to our relationships. If we are not mindful of exactly what it is we are carrying with us, it can cause problems in our relationships. While in previous posts we discussed communicating with and understanding your partner. Now we are going to talk about how you understand yourself.
What triggers do you have that your partner may knowingly or unknowingly be setting off? If you are aware of and in control of your own triggers, you will be able to be in the present moment with your partner. Instead of repeating the same fight from the past or treating your partner as if they are your ex, parent, or other person from your past, you can chose how you are responding in the present moment. Self-awareness helps you disengage from the routine of fighting.
While this may sound easy, the process of unpacking our bags can be very daunting. Understanding the cause of our own emotional upset can be very challenging. Often there are things in our past that we do not want look at because thinking about them hurts. However, in order to be free from them we often have to face our fears and anxieties. In doing so we can begin to build a better future, foster our dreams and leave the past behind. We can start to love and understand our partner for who they really are instead of seeing them through the filter of our past hurts. By acknowledging your own role in fights, by recognizing and unpacking your emotional baggage you can create the loving relationships that you have always wanted.
“The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs.” – Shakti Gawain
If you want help in unpacking these bags and fostering a better relationship for you and your partner please contact, Michele Grace at 417-322-4033.